i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize