and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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