And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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