forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
