Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
