No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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