My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
