I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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