***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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