Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
