im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Let's get the cat blown out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
