See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
