Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
