Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
