if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
