Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
