He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
