I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
