need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
