i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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