Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize