When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
