this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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