FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Randomize
