hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
