He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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