tell your sister to shave her snatch
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
