My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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