zippers are such a cool invention
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
