Me. At least after what I've been through.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
