and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
