I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
