And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I deserve this hangover.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
