He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
