Tell her she can't have a vagina
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
