Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
