my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
