Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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