Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
