i just wanna soil my oats bro
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
