Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
