So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
