i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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