K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
