So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
