I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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