all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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