You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
