So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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