I think i peed on brittanys purse
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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