she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
