He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize