I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
