All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
