Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
