I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
