bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize