Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
