Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
