He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
