Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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