Me too!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
