upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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