I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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