i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
