It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
