I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
